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How I Botched the Steak League Auction (For Real)

After the Steak League auction two years ago, I wrote a post of the same name, but wound up leading the 16-team league in total points. Last year, I wrote "How I Dominated the Steak League Auction" and once again led that 14-team league in total points by year's end. But this year, I botched it, and I'm pretty sure it's for real.

For some background, the Steak League is a 14-team non-PPR league with 1-QB, 2-RB, 3-WR, 1-TE, 1-K, three IDP (defensive lineman, linebacker and defensive back) and six bench spots. Scoring is standard except IDPs get one point per tackle, three per sack, five per INT and six per TD.

In each of the two divisions (Los Angeles and Madison), there's a sidebet whereby the lower points-scored teams (through 17 weeks) buy the higher scorers dinner at a steakhouse (Hence the name of the league.) The lowest team buys half the meal, the second lowest a third of the meal and the third worst one sixth (also known as the "self-buyer.") In 16 years of the league, I've been a self-buyer once (mid-2000s), a double-buyer (last place in 2010) once and eaten for free 14 times.

But my streak could very well end this year, and I don't think my victims - those who every year shell out $35 for shrimp scampi entree ordered as an appetizer, market price surf and turf  ($90+) as my entree in addition to multiple drinks, wine, salad, soup, dessert wine, coffee, etc. - are likely to go easy on me if my team performs as poorly as it looks post-auction.

Here are the results in the order in which each team purchased its players:

Schoenke$McKeown$Siegrist$Doria$Liss$
T.Y. Hilton$32David Johnson$59Jatavis Brown$1M. Lynch$18Justin Tucker$4
Antonio Brown$55Aaron Rodgers$32Odell Beckham$51S. Gostkowski$3Ezekiel Elliott$52
C. McCaffrey$28Mark Ingram$14Carlos Hyde$28Julian Edelman$11J.Pierre-Paul$2
Bilal Powell$13E. Sanders$18Aaron Donald*$2D. Thomas$29Tom Brady$35
M. Wilkerson$1D. Jackson$16Golden Tate$20Gronkowski$29Jimmy Graham$26
Andrew Luck*$14Kyle Rudolph$17Karl Joseph$1Isaiah Crowell$42Amari Cooper$47
Delanie Walker$14Eric Decker$8Jordan Reed*$21Khalil Mack$6Landon Collins$6
Eric Kendricks$1Tyrell Williams$11Dalvin Cook$29Kirk Cousins$19Adam Thielen$11
Moncrief$10Duke Johnson$6Stefon Diggs$13Frank Gore$12Ryan Shazier$1
Philip Rivers$5John Brown$11Dak Prescott$9B. Marshall$15Terrance West$7
Kareem Hunt$11L. Williams$1Jake Elliott$1Reshad Jones$4Austin Hooper$3
Matt Forte$2Zach Brown$1M. Stafford$7Randall Cobb$5Kenny Golladay$1
Jac. Rodgers$4Eric Weddle$1Jesse James$1Paul Posluszny$1Josh Gordon$1
Kurt Coleman$1Jam.Williams$2Josh Doctson$5Dwayne Allen$1Giovani Bernard$1
Marlon Mack$2Tavon Austin$1Latavius Murray$3D. McFadden$3J. McNichols$1
B. Perriman$6Darren Sproles$1Aaron Jones$1Eli Manning$1Ar. Stewart$1
Wil Lutz$1Caleb Sturgis$1Jordan Matthews$7R. Anderson$1DeA. Washington$1
Erickson$Schuler$Puig$Thornbury$Ross$
L. Fournette$40Todd Gurley$43Alshon Jeffery$19Julio Jones$54Keenan Allen$21
J.J. Watt$5Derek Carr$10Jordy Nelson$41A.J. Green$54Travis Kelce$26
Matt Ryan$17Mike Evans$50Michael Thomas$38Russell Wilson$20Joey Bosa$7
D. Freeman$41Dan Bailey$2Mike Gillislee$17Spencer Ware$27C.J. Anderson$19
D. Adams$29Dez Bryant$39Ty Montgomery$23Eddie Lacy$19Allen Robinson$36
Doug Baldwin$37J. Crowder$13Mason Crosby$2Bobby Wagner$5Paul Perkins$22
M. Bennett$12J. Cyprien$2Jeremy Hill$4Julius Thomas$3Pierre Garcon$13
Keanu Neal$2L. Blount$14Adrian Peterson$8Barry Church$2Matt Prater$1
Corey Coleman$9Cameron Brate$1Jack Doyle$6Tyler Lockett$3Cam Newton$8
L. David$1B.Roethlisberger$8Luke Kuechly$6Robert Tuin$1Robert Kelley$10
S. Janikowski$1Eric Ebron$7Marcus Mariota$9Jamaal Charles$6Samaje Perine$7
T.J. Yeldon$1Sterling Shepard$2Thomas Rawls$5Zay Jones$1Vontaze Burfict$3
John Ross$1Alec Ogletree$2Marvin Jones$5Cooper Kupp$1Jeremy Maclin$10
Rex Burkhead$1Jalen Richard$1Devin Funchess$7Paul Richardson$1Derrick Henry$13
Cole Beasley$1James White$1Jonathan Stewart$7Calais Campbell$1Jamal Adams$1
Braxton Miller$1Taylor Gabriel$2Morgan Burnett$2Josh Lambo$1Branden Oliver$1
D. Pumphrey$1Jerry Hughes$3Cameron Jordan$1Kenny Stills$1D. Booker*$2
Sedler$Jenstad$Joe Bartel$Crites$
Melvin Gordon$46Sammy Watkins$23Jay Ajayi$40Joe Mixon$18
Brandin Cooks$40Lamar Miller$19Jordan Howard$41Le'Veon Bell$59
DeMarco Murray$31LeSean McCoy$46DeAndre Hopkins$35Terrelle Pryor$37
Michael Crabtree$17Drew Brees$24Larry Fitzgerald$11Danielle Hunter$2
D. Parker$13Kwon Alexander$4Kelvin Benjamin$19Jarvis Landry$13
Jameis Winston$11Willie Snead$11Hunter Henry$14Greg Olsen$24
Zach Ertz$6Matt Bryant$2Dustin Hopkins$1Melvin Ingram$1
D. Woodhead$6Martavis Bryant$20C. Meredith$8Tyreek Hill$32
Mike Wallace$6Tyler Eifert$14Deion Jones$1Kam Chancellor$1
D. Buckner$1Ameer Abdullah$15Kenny Britt$6Adam Vinatieri$1
Sean Lee$5Harrison Smith$2Tevin Coleman$11Theo Riddick$2
Marcus Peters$1Carlos Dunlap$2J. Clowney$1Andy Dalton$3
Doug Martin$4C.J. Prosise$3Clinton Dix$1Tyrod Taylor$3
Ri Matthews$4Corey Davis$9Robert Woods$2J.J. Nelson$1
Cairo Santos$2D'Onta Foreman$2Alvin Kamara$2Mohamed Sanu$1
Coby Fleener$2Kevin White$2Blake Bortles$2Charles Sims$1
Marqise Lee$4Ted Ginn$2Jon. Williams$5Tim Hightower$1

I didn't have much of a strategy going in except to grab a few good players at cost and pick my spots in the end game. I was in on the pre-suspension Ezekiel Elliott bidding not really planning to land him, but the music stopped at $52, and in a non-PPR he's arguably the No. 1 overall pick - assuming he were out for 0-2 games which is what I thought at the time.

I got Tom Brady more as a troll of Patriots homer Mike Doria than anything else. I had just squeezed an extra $2 out of Chargers homer Josh Ross on Joey Bosa, and once I saw Doria in on Brady, I figured I could go up to $40. Doria dropped out after $34, sticking me with bill, but I didn't mind getting Brady at the time. Of course, when Andy Dalton went for $3, I realized maybe I should have spent money elsewhere.

Despite the Elliott and Brady purchases, I still had plenty of money left, and I didn't want to get stuck with no great players on which to spend it. So I went in on Doug Baldwin and Brandin Cooks, but let them go when they got too pricey. That turned out to be a mistake as I wound up going all the way to $26 on Jimmy Graham, my No. 2 TE in this format, and a ridiculous $47 on Amari Coooper who as the last obvious difference maker on the board.

Even after that I could have scored some bargains in the end game, but went to $11 on Adam Thielen (who I liked but should have let go) and $7 on Terrance West who I don't like, but who has a job for now. That got me down to a $3 max bid which I wasted on Austin Hooper, a TE I like, but for whom I have no room (There's no flex in this league.). I think I just saw a player I liked and was sick of getting outbid, so I reflexively went another buck. That put me into dollar days where I helplessly watched a lot of my targets get swept up.

Still, I managed some upside picks like Kenny Golladay, DeAndre Washington and Jeremy McNichols. I love Landon Collins as my safety (overbid for him as a Giants fan), have the league's best kicker, arguably its best QB and a top tier TE. But with Elliott now likely out six games, no real third receiver and only Adam Thielen and Terrance West as my No. 2 at WR and RB, respectively, this team is weak.

Team By Position:

QB Tom Brady

RB Ezekiel Elliott/Terrance West

WR Amari Cooper/Adam Thielen/Kenny Golladay

TE Jimmy Graham

K Justin Tucker

DL Jason Pierre Paul

LB Ryan Shazier

DB Landon Collins

B Gio Bernard/Austin Hooper/Josh Gordon/Jeremy McNichols/ArDarius Stewart/DeAndre Washington