The French philosopher John Paul Sartre famously said "Hell is other people," and while a brief perusal of my Facebook feed confirms this as fact, I'd like to add something to the end of it: "and also fantasy football." Not only did I start Colin Kaepernick in two places, one over Jameis Winston in a two-QB format, another over a random streaming option that will probably cost me a $200 season-long sidebet, but I would still have made the playoffs in the first case but for Steven Hauschka's late garbage-time field goal. Yes, that field goal set up by a drive that started at the Seattle 20 when they were up 37-7 and the quarterback was Trevone Boykin and running back Troymayne Pope. This would be the $11K Stopa Law Firm League, incidentally, and I have another $200 sidebet on it for good measure.
(View from some street in Lisbon.)
• Keep in mind if you got bounced in Week 13, you were very likely going to get bounced at some point in the playoffs. Only one team in 12 finishes the season happy.
• So crazy the Falcons lost while attempting the go-up-by-three two-point conversion which turned into the go-down-by-one-two-point-conversion return. Eric Berry brought both that and a pick to the house, and it was not the first time he scored this year. Maybe the Chiefs should use him on offense.
• The Chiefs are such an odd team, getting eight points from Berry and six on an Albert Wilson 55-yard TD on a fake punt. It's nice they're finally feeding Travis Kelce the amount he deserves, though. With Rob Gronkowski out for the year and Jordan Reed also hurt, Kelce is arguably the top fantasy TE.
• Spencer Ware was not efficient for once, but he scored twice.
• Devonta Freeman is reliable as ever with another two scores, four catches and 105 YFS, despite a healthy Tevin Coleman.
• Matt Bryant kicked a 59-yard FG at the end of the first half. While there's been a lot of focus on all the missed PATs, the league's high-end kicking is better than ever.
• I used to support Kaepernick's Constitutional right to protest, but now I wish he had been jailed. I'm also not sure why he was benched for the fourth quarter. I get he wasn't producing much, but had only attempted five passes - how can you sit a guy for four incompletions, even if his YPA was 0.8.
• Matt Barkley got 10.7 YPA but attempted only 18 passes.
• Jordan Howard wasn't efficient, but this was the perfect combination of opponent and game flow.
• Strange the Eagles were road favorites in this one. Andy Dalton picked apart the defense without A.J. Green.
• Jeremy Hill had 22 carries for 33 yards, Rex Burkhead 8-for-38 along with four catches for 28 yards.
• Brandon LaFell had seven targets, led the team in catches and yards and scored a TD. Tyler Boyd had six targets.
• I was excited about Dorial Green-Beckham's prospects when Jordan Matthews was scratched, but DGB left with a rib injury in the first half. Right now, Darren Sproles and Zach Ertz are the team's only somewhat trustworthy options.
• Carson Wentz was once in the same conversation as Dak Prescott but is now trending toward his original comparison with Jared Goff.
• There's not much to say about the Texans-Packers except that Jordy Nelson scored his 10th TD and is on pace to live up to his early-second-round draft status.
• Game flow matters little to the Patriots with respect to run/pass distribution - Tom Brady attempted 46 passes while handing off only 26 times even though the Patriots were way ahead all game.
• Julian Edelman is back as a top-15 WR, and Malcolm Mitchell, who scored two TDs last week, also saw 10 targets to Chris Hogan's five.
• Even I throw in the towel on Todd Gurley. I kept thinking, "he's healthy, young, hugely-talented, getting involved in the passing game, it's only a matter of time." I still think the most plausible explanation is he and Melvin Gordon just swapped identities this year.
• Ronde Barber (though it might have been Tiki) was praising Matthew Stafford like crazy, comparing him to Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre during the broadcast. Stafford had a fine game, but 66 of his yards came on an underthrow to Golden Tate, and the rest was mostly dink and dunk. I wouldn't put Stafford and his 7.4 YPA in the my top-10 real-life QBs right now.
• Maybe the Lions defense has turned a corner. Once one of the worst in the league against the pass, it held Drew Brees to 7.4 YPA, no TDs and three picks in the Superdome, an unheard of feat. The last time Brees failed to throw a TD at home was against the peak-Darrelle-Revis Jets in 2009.
• Coby Fleener went 5-for-86, but dropped a TD and another pass for a potential good gain.
• Tate is the Lions' No. 1 WR, the inexplicable early-season pass distribution notwithstanding.
• Blake Bortles vs. Paxton Lynch was as advertised. Neither QB threw a TD or cracked 4.5 YPA. Bortles was kind enough to throw a pick six, largely the difference in the game.
• I took the Dolphins plus 3.5 because I thought they were equal to the Ravens and the half point was too good to pass up.
• As someone who finally used Kenneth Dixon over Terrance West in a league, that West scored twice was frustrating. Dixon was far more efficient and caught more passes though.
• Joe Flacco-Dennis Pitta was the million-dollar stack. Often, it's the case an oddball combo wins the week; the trouble is predicting which one. Incidentally, Pitta hadn't scored a TD since December of 2013, so naturally he got two.
• LeSean McCoy had 191 YFS but Mike Gillislee had one- and two-yard touchdowns. It looks like Gillislee might be the goal-line back.
• Sammy Watkins caught just three of nine targets for 38 yards. You'd have liked a stronger game heading into your playoffs because he can't be trusted as more than a take-a-shot, upside play now.
• Michael Crabtree dropped an easy TD, but caught another later on 11 targets. Amari Cooper saw only four.
• Latavius Murray isn't anything special, but he's quietly scored 11 TDs in 10 games.
• I jinxed myself on Twitter when I wrote: "You gotta love the cover-FG by WAS" when the Redskins, getting 2.5, made the score 24-23 with four minutes left. Of course, instead of running clock, the Cardinals threw a deep TD on the next drive to win by eight.
• David Johnson is the fantasy MVP so far with another 185 YFS and two TDs again. In PPR, you can add nine catches. Through 12 games Johnson has never failed to eclipse 100 YFS, and he's already scored more fantasy points than any back last year did in the full season (h/t Tristin Cockcroft of ESPN.)
• Eli Manning played one of his worst games in recent memory, throwing a pick deep in the red-zone that Lawrence Timmons returned 58 yards, throwing a ball at the feet of his receiver on a key third down and throwing a second pick short and late to Sean Davis on a 4th down play where Sterling Shepard was wide open. He also forced a ball to Will Tye when Paul Perkins was wide open in the flat on another key third or fourth down.
• Odell Beckham finally got the targets he deserves, but they all seemed to come on one drive in the second quarter and then again in garbage time when he and Manning probably shouldn't have even been on the field (down 17 with less than two minutes left.)
• Le'Veon Bell had another 182 YFS and six catches, but lost a fumble for the first time since his rookie year and didn't score. He and David Johnson are the clear top-two PPR players with Ezekiel Elliott in the conversation in non-PPR.
• Ladarius Green caught six passes for 110 yards and a score on a team-leading 11 targets. He had the prove-it game you wanted to see from Watkins for your playoffs.
• The refs also botched this game, calling a phantom OPI on Beckham, calling a phantom hold in the end zone for a safety and not calling a blatant late hit by Steelers safety Mike Mitchell on Beckham. It's odd, but a penalty in the end zone is the only time the refs can award points to a team by decree. Even with DPI in the end zone, the ball is placed at the one, but with the safety, the refs can literally put points on the board and change possession on a whim.
• There was an odd situation where the Steelers punted, but Ben Roethlisberger was slow getting off the field, so Pittsburgh clearly had 12 men, and a flag was thrown before the punt went into the air. In cases like this where the QB sees the defense jump and a flag is thrown, he'll usually take a shot down field, knowing nothing bad can happen. I was kind of hoping Dwayne Harris would do the same, initiating a series of crazy laterals as he was being tackled.
• Melvin Gordon is the poor man's David Johnson/Lev Bell - leading the team in rushing and receiving while scoring a TD.
• Cameron Brate is the clear No. 2 option in Tampa's passing offense.
• Although per-play-metric sites pegged Seattle-Carolina as a seven-point game, it was obvious the Seahawks would blow them out. The Panthers have checked out, they had to fly across the country for a night game in the worst environment, and the Seahawks were coming home off a bad road loss. Moreover, the Seahawks got Kam Chancellor, Michael Bennett and Earl Thomas back, while the Panthers were missing Luke Kuechly. It's easy to say things like this after the fact, but I made Seattle my best bet of the week and one of my five best bets all year.
• Why on earth did Ron Rivera punt on fourth and less than 10 from the Seattle 40, down 30-7 in the second half? What a retweet into cowardice for "Riverboat."
• After a hiccup against the Bucs, Thomas Rawls looks like the top-10 difference-maker RB many expected when C.J. Prosise went down.
• Tyler Lockett is also back in play for the playoffs, catching five of six targets for 63 yards, rushing for a 75-yard score and nearly breaking a couple returns.
• Greg Olsen's streak of sub 55-yard games is up to six.
• Once merely a return man, Ted Ginn has become a poor man's DeSean Jackson late in his career.