Last week I took a hard beat because I didn't go Beathard.

That's the abbreviated and more colorful way of saying I blew two very on-the-fence decisions that gave me a bad beat in a game that could have netted my Count Chocula Vampire team Antonio Brown.

It's funny what influences our starting decisions. The most egregious decision I made in this half point PPR format was to bench Tarik Cohen for Jordy Nelson. I learned the hard way that with Matt Nagy's offense you can't worry about game script when it comes to a weapon like Cohen. I was back-and-forth with this decision all week, but the closer we got to Sunday the more I started feeling like the Bears, coming off their bye week, would shut down a mediocre Miami offense and feed Jordan Howard a heavy workload. In my mind I saw him getting 20-25 carries and Cohen only having about 6-8 leftover touches. I also had to recognize that Nelson had just strung together three straight games with a score, all of which came in the red zone. Expecting a more hard-fought game by the Raiders, I anticipated Nelson getting some premium opportunities. When Brock Osweiler was named the Dolphins starting quarterback on Sunday, that sealed it. In my head (and I think everyone else's), there was no way the Dolphins were putting up enough of a fight for Cohen to be needed as a pass catcher.

The other decision was much tougher to pull the trigger on, but again, what sealed it made perfect sense. With the free agent quarterback pool very thin, I was trying to figure out how I could reasonably replace Jared Goff. Hearing about the cold and snow heading Denver's way had me feeling awfully shaky about a quarterback that doesn't throw it much and has spent his entire life in California. I also was looking in case either Brandin Cooks or Cooper Kupp failed to gain clearance from their concussions. The only alternative option to Goff that looked palatable was C.J. Beathard. He had two productive, gunslinging games under his belt and I expected him to have to throw plenty against a porous Packers defense. I knew it was the better decision, even if it may have looked crazy on paper. But when Goff's receivers were all cleared, I couldn't pull the trigger.

The two decisions that came down to kickoff cost me 32.9 points. I lost by less than 25 points.

So, when I thought a feeding frenzy was inevitable after claiming Alvin Kamara as my second victim in Week 4, I may have been wrong.

Now at 2-4, and into the rough part of my bye schedule, I'm dangerously close to falling out of playoff contention. In this format the Vampire has the top waiver position for the first seven weeks. That's over. With James Conner on bye, I'm in danger of dropping a third straight.

I tried making a move to save my season, but it did not work. I thought about what singular player could have a big enough week to put me over the top and get me a much-needed win, and with the Falcons on tap for Monday night, that guy looks like Saquon Barkley. So, I texted his owner, a former ESPN radio producer I did a couple seasons' worth of shows with for ESPN Tri-Cities 1460/1550. I inquired about Barkley letting him know Ezekiel Elliott and anyone but Alvin Kamara was available. He expressed interest in James Conner and we went back-and-forth a bit for what looked like a good chance at making a deal. I asked him what he'd throw in to a deal for the two stud backs and he quickly responded that his initial thought was Stefon Diggs. Shocked and excited, I said "I might do that." Naturally, he came to his senses just as quickly and decided that it might be too much to part with.

We continued to talk. The entire time he never seemed to realize what I was trying to do. Like I said, we play next week. He already will have Julio Jones on bye. What made the deal a potential season-saver for me is that Elliott is also on bye. As the Vampire, I can steal a player from my opponent when I beat them, and players on bye cannot be protected. If we made a trade work, I'd have added Barkley and given him Conner AND I'd have gotten a flex starter off his team too. The most fair offer we discussed that he very nearly accepted included Golden Tate as that flex player. When I beat him with his best two players on bye, I'd have taken Zeke back and rolled into the future with a lineup of Barkley, Kamara and Elliott, and potentially Davante Adams if Barkley helped me to a win this week.

Alas, this owner was too smart to trade away Barkley and now he's going to really make me earn him.

We'll see how that plays out next week since I still have Conner and an increasingly strong roster overall. Here's how things look for me this week with Austin Ekeler going in the London game right now.

Count Chocula – 9.3

QB – Mitchell Trubisky
RB – Alvin Kamara
RB – Ezekiel Elliott
WR – Tyler Boyd
WR – Taylor Gabriel
TE – George Kittle
Flex – Tarik Cohen
Flex – Austin Ekeler
DEF – Indianapolis
K – Aldrick Rosas

Bench:

Ben Roethlisberger
Jared Goff
James Conner
Calvin Ridley
D.J. Moore
Cameron Meredith

Villain – 2.5

QB – Patrick Mahomes
RB – Sony Michel
RB – Nyheim Hines
WR – Mike Evans
WR – Robert Woods
TE – Evan Engram
Flex – Corey Davis
Flex – Kerryon Johnson
DEF – Jacksonville
K – Giorgio Tavecchio

Luckily, Davis did absolutely nothing as the inept Titans have no clue how to use his immense talent and aren't even smart enough to take their chances in overtime. Ekeler was nothing special himself, but I'm in solid shape with him giving me a lead. Of course, Mahomes could make that all go away tonight.

Clearly, every decision is magnified when you're a Vampire just trying to get a bite. Hopefully my hungry ass can get a meal again soon.