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NFL Notes

As someone who had the Texans in a teaser, watching Dan Orlovsky drive 80 yards to score the game-winning touchdown in just a minute and a half was a miserable experience, although it occurred while I was at a white elephant Christmas party, where I scored a nice bottle of wine and Everclear (still afraid to even try this), so all was not lost…If that truly was Reggie Wayne's final home game as a Colt, it was a nice way to depart…Ben Tate somehow got negative fantasy points despite not fumbling and facing an Indy defense that has allowed the third-most fantasy points to opposing running backs this season. That's not easy to do…I'd much prefer to be the sixth as opposed to fifth seed in the AFC this year…Thursday's game was the first time in NFL history a team with one win or fewer beat a team with 10 or more wins.

This luckily avoided crash was intense.

What a comeback by the Cardinals, who after trailing 23-0 with fewer than 12 minutes left should have tied the game had Early Doucet not done this…John Skelton has got 7.9 YPA with a 6:2 TD:INT ratio in fourth quarters this season. He's recorded a 4:11 TD:INT ratio in quarters 1-3, however…Yup, this was easily one of the coolest plays I've ever seen

This best of compilation of table tennis shots during 2011 is surprisingly captivating.

What a play by Victor Cruz. Pretty crazy he's already set a franchise record for receiving yards in a season since there's still a game left and he barely saw the field over Weeks 1 and 2 (totaled 38 snaps). Cruz could improve as a blocker, but his 16 broken tackles rank second in the NFL among WRs…Darrelle Revis absolutely owned Hakeem Nicks on Saturday. In fantasy leagues, Nicks sure picked a poor time to have his worst two games of the season…Mark Sanchez has produced 30 touchdowns this year, but his YPA has dropped for the second straight season following his rookie campaign, sitting at an ugly 6.4 in a time when passing stats are the highest in league history. His career completion percentage of 55.1 is glaring, and he's already lost eight fumbles in 2011. It's too early to write off the former No. 5 overall pick, but Jets fans also have every right to be concerned. Pro Football Focus ranks Sanchez 37th among 39 quarterbacks this season, and although that's a bit misleading since it's not a rate stat, so QBs like Tyler Palko and Curtis Painter would grade worse if they played an equal amount of time, it's still not exactly encouraging.

This video of an encounter between humans and a group of wild mountain gorillas is actually pretty engaging.

Jared Cook has racked up 17 catches for 272 yards and a touchdown over the past two games, so everyone's favorite preseason sleeper is waking up late in the year. He's seen 581 snaps this season, which ranks 30th among all tight ends, yet his eight broken tackles rank eighth at the position, which reveals plenty of upside moving forward, assuming he's given more of an opportunity. Cook is physically gifted and entering his fourth year in the league, so he's a major candidate to break out in 2012…In a forgettable season, at least Jacksonville managed a backdoor cover last week.

This Golden Retriever loves the guitar.

With less than one minute left in the first half Saturday, Tom Brady had taken as many sacks (three) as he had completions. Still, even in what looked like a sure down fantasy day, he somehow managed to rush for two touchdowns (to go along with 300-plus yards and another score through the air). The Pats' 17-0 halftime deficit sure disappeared fast…Matt Moore has an 11:2 TD:INT ratio over his past six games. Over his last eight contests, he's also got 8.3 YPA. He should absolutely be given every opportunity to be the team's starter in 2012.

This kitten gets thrown violently down a loft ladder.

After a breakout season ended in a fizzle last year, Peyton Hillis has decided to do the opposite in 2011, as he's finishing strong, totaling 220 yards over the past two games, including getting 4.7 YPC last week in Baltimore…Saturday's game ended with the Ravens drawing the Browns off sides. Well played Cleveland…It's a big game in Cincinnati this week, with huge ramifications for both teams.

This TV weatherman throws a fit and walks off. Gets abused afterward.

A terrific fake field goal that resulted in a 37-yard touchdown was negated by a delay of game penalty by the Raiders, which looked even worse after Sebastian Janikowski was pushed back five more yards and subsequently missed a 59-yard attempt. Considering Richard Seymour also blocked two field goals and the game ended in overtime on a kick, the FG units had an especially important impact Saturday…What a play in overtime by Carson Palmer and Darrius Heyward-Bey, connecting on a 53-yard pass on the first play from scrimmage, effectively ending the game…Kyle Orton versus Denver, with the Broncos' playoff hopes on the line. Should be good stuff this week.

The 10 most insane delusions (this is leaving out a few huge embellishments, mind you) regarding Kim Jong-iL.

Joe Webb somehow produced three touchdowns while attempting just five passes in relief last week and has created a quarterback controversy in Minnesota. At minimum, the 25-year-old sure is a nice insurance policy as a backup, as Webb is the fastest quarterback in the league and also has a 103.7 QB rating this season…What a devastating injury to Adrian Peterson. Just awful, in a meaningless game no less (when he in no way had to be playing while at less than 100 percent). I can't see him going before the third round in fantasy drafts next year, and maybe that's optimistic…I felt pretty good facing Jabar Gaffney in the finals of my home league this week, until he caught four balls over a five play stretch in the third quarter, including a one-handed grab in the end zone. Seriously, what the hell?...In that same league, I added Evan Royster on Saturday morning after news broke Roy Helu would be inactive, and while I had a somewhat shaky flex option (Vincent Jackson), I couldn't pull the trigger inserting him into my starting lineup, mainly because of Mike Shanahan. Well, Royster highly impressed, totaling 147 yards on just 21 touches against a solid Vikings' run defense. He got 3.6 YPC after contact, and to put that into perspective, only two running backs have got better over the course of this season (Darren Sproles and Fred Jackson). For all that has gone wrong in Washington in 2011, at least it looks like their backfield will be strong with Helu and Royster (young and cheap too) entering next season, although it will likely result in a headache for fantasy owners…The Vikings recorded their first interception in 10 games last week…Although it almost paid off, it was curious to see the Redskins not attempt an onside kick down seven points with 1:25 left.

The most horrifying joke in sitcom history (actually it's a close call between another Mr. Belvedere clip I posted a couple of weeks back).

I'm beginning to think the Buccaneers have given up this year…Cam Newton, Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams have combined for 2,139 rushing yards and 24 touchdowns this season, getting 5.3 YPC in the process…LeGarrette Blount was benched, seeing a total of just seven more snaps, after fumbling on the first play of Saturday's game (it was officially credited to Josh Freeman), as he continues to be a huge disappointment in the little aspects of playing the running back position. Blount is tough to trust, especially playing for a bad team usually playing from behind, since he continues to be useless on passing downs. He's totaled 21 yards or fewer in three of his past four games.

Here's a pretty big NBA referee fail.

Well, that wasn't the best game by the "Mile high Messiah." Tim Tebow took the jokes that every one of his passes was a "Hail Mary" a bit too literal Saturday, as some of his were a bit off the mark, even throwing pick-sixes on back-to-back plays…It's also worth noting just how much Denver's defense has taken a step back ever since Von Miller suffered his thumb injury…Despite being easily one of the five best fantasy backs this year, Fred Jackson will be coming off a serious injury and entering the season at age 31.5 next year, so with C.J. Spiller's emergence, he'll be one of the trickiest guys to rank in 2012…How does Denver punt down 12 points with 12:22 to play from the Buffalo 41-yard line? At least they got a 24-yard net. 

Man poses with cash he stole on Facebook, which helps lead to his arrest.

Rashard Mendenhall owners can't exactly complain, but considering both Isaac Redman and John Clay (on his first career rush attempt) scored touchdowns, they do have a reasonable gripe…Although I admittedly predicted six points from the Rams in my "Game Caps" column, that might have been the most predictable shutout in recent memory…I can't say I'd blame the Rams if they truly "clean house" with the coaching staff after the season as rumored. Jon Gruden would be an interesting choice, as he's certainly a better coach than analyst.

This catch was pretty legit
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If the Chargers weren't going to make the playoffs regardless, Saturday's embarrassing blowout loss might be a blessing in disguise, as Norv Turner needs to go. I get that Mike Tolbert is bigger, but it's inexcusable to take the far superior player Ryan Mathews out of the game twice inside the 10-yard line during drives last week. It wasn't exactly shocking to see the results be a field goal and a turnover on downs, as typically you lower your chances of succeeding when you relegate your better personnel to watching on the sidelines. Oh well, San Diego's season was only on the line. Good riddance Norv, it sure was impressive to see you last this long (what will he do with the compromising Polaroids he must have of Spanos?)…This Detroit team is dangerous, and I'd consider them major sleepers to come out of the AFC. Too bad they play in the more loaded NFC and will have to immediately go on the road…Matthew Stafford has a 9:0 TD:INT ratio over the past three games, and while that's come against admittedly weak competition, he's undeniably played extremely well. His 7.5 season YPA isn't off the charts, and having Calvin Johnson is the single biggest advantage a quarterback can have right now in the NFL, but Stafford is on pace to finish the season with 4,819 passing yards and 38.5 touchdowns while also limiting turnovers. Most importantly, he's stayed healthy, and remember he's started just 28 games in a career that's really just beginning. Stafford has shown a willingness to remain tough in the pocket and might have the strongest arm in all of football, and he's came correct for fantasy owners, throwing for 764 yards with seven touchdowns over Weeks 15 and 16.

Human feces used as fertilizer has neighbors fuming
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Well, that was a brutal blow for owners relying on Tony Romo in Week 16. It also didn't help any of his receivers (or Dan Bailey, for that matter), and while Felix Jones owners can't complain since that was a known risk should the Giants win their earlier game, I doubt Romo would have sat much had he not got injured. What a terrible way to finish the fantasy season. That said, he should be healthy this week, and Sunday night's game should be good…Here is an actual quote from Troy Aikman while announcing Saturday's game: "DeSean Jackson is fearless going over the middle." Good stuff. And by that I mean the opposite.

Oldie but goodie; Lou Holtz is the man!

Huge win for the 49ers, but I can't think of a tougher opponent for a No. 2 seed (assuming they win in St. Louis on Sunday, which is obviously far from a sure thing), than the Saints. New Orleans might be the best team in football. Has a No. 2 seed ever been an underdog during their first game (obviously at home)?...Crazy to see Marshawn Lynch both rush for a touchdown and break the 100-yard mark and yet the Seahawks still lose. I expected either Seattle would break the mark and win, or vice versa. So goes football…Braylon Edwards' tenure in SF was pretty epic…David Akers broke the NFL record with his 42nd made field goal, and it can't be often a kicker has more FGs than extra points in a season…Tarell Brown's attempt to tackle Doug Baldwin on his touchdown catch was one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen. He made Roger Dorn look courageous.

Drew Brees has had a fantastic season, but Aaron Rodgers is the MVP…In comparison to Caleb Hanie, Josh McCown looked like Joe Montana…With a 13.5 point spread, it warmed my cockles during the holiday season to see Lovie Smith elect to kick a field goal down 17 points with 1:11 left Sunday night…Kahlil Bell racked up 159 yards on 27 touches Sunday, and he was highly impressive while doing so, exhibiting great patience and a strong ability to hit the hole. The undrafted back has gained 4.9 YPC during his brief career and has totaled 14 catches for 105 yards receiving over the past three games, and he was the feature back in just one of those contests. Bell forced a whopping five broken tackles against the Packers and has suddenly given Chicago a reason not to overpay Matt Forte during the offseason.

In case you missed last week's article, let me once again reiterate, this guy was in our tailgate party!

I entered Monday night with a 42-point lead in my home league but facing Drew Brees, Marques Colston and Matt Bryant, and the outcome was predictably torturous. Seriously, how good is Brees?!...Also, who cares that the Saints tried to get Brees the all-time passing yards record during garbage time? That's all well and good the Falcons are pissed and will "remember" it next time they play (which looks like a real good chance in round one of the playoffs), but ultimately that won't matter when they get boat raced again…Michael Turner has ran for 280 yards over his past five games, getting 3.3 YPC with just one touchdown. He actually leads the NFL with 53 broken tackles this season, and he even hauled in four receptions for 36 yards last week, so maybe it's premature to totally write him off, but Turner will be on the wrong side of 30 entering 2012 and has shown real signs of decline recently. He would be an awfully risky first round fantasy pick next year.

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