I'll cut the suspense – my heart may want something else entirely but my head says the Sharks will finally eat their way to the Cup this year.

That said, the playoff cheat sheet ranking the top 100 fantasy players for the playoffs was one of the hardest things I've undertaken.

The Sharks won't do it without a couple of bottles of Pepto-Bismol, a box of Imodium and at least a couple pairs of Depends – and those are my assistive devices for this postseason, not theirs. But I think this is finally their year.

Maybe.

If not, my rankings are shot to H-E-double hockey sticks...Then again, doesn't every good meal come with a little bit of discomfort?

The Sharks will feast through the avian food chain – Ducks to start followed by a few Hawks, some Red Wings and finally those flightless Penguins to finish. By then, everything will taste like chicken.

And they'll sip from the great silver chalice. Le piece de résistance. The Cup.

Creating the list sucked.

It really did.

I changed my mind at least a dozen times with the final four changing about four, maybe five times. Fantasy players – or poolies as we're known in Canada – make it an annual event to officially change our minds a few hundred times. It wouldn't be the playoffs if it didn't happen.

I'll start by saying these rankings were done in a bit of vacuum. It's hard to account for goalies without knowing how your league scores them. So I treated them as relative equals in this process. Suffice to say ditch them if your league doesn't count them.

My overall strategy isn't rocket science or quantum physics. But it is based on logic instead of emotion. The teams I want to win are nowhere in sight. And the top-100 list of players you'll read is top-heavy with guys from my final four -- I may love Jarome Iginla, Rick Nash and Patrick Berglund, but if they ain't advancing, they ain't helping, are they? At least not in the top 3/4 of the list.

Yes, I picked the toothed-teal twits to finally emerge victorious over the flightless freaks. It won't exactly be an easy win but they are higher on the food chain, aren't they?

Here's how I got to my final pairing. I'll start from the first round and make my way to the Frozen Four, NHL style.

Out West: Under Water and High in the Sky.

Out West, I saw the Sharks, Wings, Canucks and 'Hawks clearing the first round. Here's why.

I don't think the Ducks have enough discipline to keep they heads on straight over a long series. The Blue Jackets scare me and thrill me, all at the same time. If there's an upset in the West, it's here. Steve Mason or Chris Osgood? No contest. And those Ohio boys can suffocate a puck possession game faster than your girlfriend's dad walking in just as you were rounding third during all-thumbs, make-out session back in high school.

The Blues will give the Canucks fits – I'd love to see an upset here. But ultimately, RLo is the best goalie in the world. And the Flames are like that dork at the gym – you know, the one whose upper body is waaaay overdeveloped and legs look like an old man? Calgary's forwards are hot, hot, hot but the defense looks like grandpa's arthritic knees – gnarled and almost useless in the absence of Robyn Regehr and Cory Sarich. And who really knows if Dion is going to be healthy enough to Phaneuf anyone. It'll be a bloody serious but the Bhulin Wall will be impenetrable.

East Beasts: Toilets vs. Tea; Blue Collars and Hot Air.

In the East, Boston, Washington, Pittsburgh and Carolina are my first-round winners.

Les bleu, blanc et rouge will run out of steam in the first round the same way owner George Gillett's investments have – but I digress. And several Canadian media pundits are calling on the Rangers to upset Alexander the Great and his hot air buds from Capitol Hill; I'm not one of them.

Jersey is great but the swirling bowls from Raleigh are greater, at least right now. And Cam Ward is looking all Conn Smyth-ey again. White hot goalies rule – even ones who play against Marty Brodeur. The Pennsylvania series will be a real barn burner. The Pens will emerge – Mike Richards can only smother one of those superstars. And it's Marc-Andre Fleury over Marty Biron any day (Biron does have the advantage in terms of playoff beards but that's it).

Conference Finals: No Pain, No Gain.

Those swirling bowls will meet their demise quickly against Boston – hey, if tea can clog a harbor, it can completely bung up a toilet. And as much as I love my Alex, it's Sid and Gino who'll head to the Hub of Hockey to face those big, bad Bruins for the Eastern Conference title. And they'll win.

The Sharks are going to toy with the Hawks, whose baby-faced ranks will fold like a proverbial cheap suit (watch out next season, though). Swedes will fly – literally and figuratively – when the Wings and the Orcas meet. Bye-bye, Mats. So long big contract, twins. The Wings will fly to California for the Western finals where Jumbo Joe will finally live up to his name. And he'll bring along his posse for good measure.

Lord Stanley in Teal

Sharks' coach Todd McLellan knows the Wings as well as he knows that mole on his... you know. So if anyone is going to wrestle the crown from the defending champs, it's McLellan and his boys.

The Sharks are the best team on paper. Now they'll have some jewellry to go with it.

And those of you picking Sharks, Penguins, Bruins and Red Wings will earn bragging rights for a whole year, too. Sorry, no rings. I just can't afford to buy you one.